For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX),Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

‘If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.’

In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part ):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash……..
Twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single ‘This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation’ warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask ‘Are you sure?’ before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You’d have to press the ‘Start’ button to turn the engine off.

The Nexus One, the Google Phone, is really here. And everything you need to know about it? Right here.

What Is It?

It’s the latest, maybe greatest, Android phone. Google calls it a “superphone” that’s an “exemplar” of what you can do with Android. It was designed by Google and HTC, who designed the G1 and the Ion.

What’s Inside?

A really fast 1GHz Qualcomm Snapdragon processor, with a 3.7-inch, 480×800 AMOLED screen. The camera’s 5 megapixels with an LED flash—it also shoots MPEG-4 video with one-click YouTube upload, which should be quick over its wireless N Wi-Fi. The trackball’s got a multicolor LED for different notifications, and of course it’s got a compass, GPS, stereo Bluetooth, 3.5mm headphone jack, two mics for “active noise suppression,” light and proximity sensors, and an accelerometer onboard. It’s got a 1400mAH battery, from which they promise 5 hours of 3G browsing and 7 hours of 3G talk time. Oh, it’s skinnier than a #2 pencil.

And did we mention Android 2.1? And Flash 10.1?

What’s Android 2.1?

It’s basically a much sexier, more polished Android 2.0, which is on the Droid. We’ve got a visual guide to Android 2.1, but some highlights: You have things like five screens for homescreen panels and Live Wallpapers, which are basically backgrounds you can interact with. There’s a revamped 3D photogallery, which pulls visual tricks like having photos zoom out when you tap an album, and load on a 3D plane when you move the phone around. And, galleries are now background-synced to Picasa.

Voice is even huger: Every text field is voice enabled, so you basically never have to type anything. Voice might turn out to be the biggest thing in Android 2.1, actually. Well, besides the fact you’ll soon be able to install apps to the SD card, at last freeing Android of the internal ROM app limit.

There’s also a new 3D framework that lets it do those fancy things like those interactive backgrounds, a new whizbang 3D photogallery app, and a refreshed, zoomier app launcher. And, we’d guess, better graphics in games. Explains a lot of the zippier, lag-free performance we noticed in our hands on, too.

Is There Multitouch in Google Apps, Since There’s No Keyboard?

No.

What’s It Like?

Like this: “If you want Android phones, this is the one to get.”

A handful of amusing google autocompletes have been doing the rounds recently and this enterprising little blog has thought, “Hang on, there’s a blog in that.”

http://autocompleteme.com

London – A headteacher has suspended three pupils after they set up a Facebook group attacking her dress sense.

Elizabeth Hitch was so incensed by comments on the social networking site that she threatened dozens of others at Beaumont School, St Albans, with disciplinary action.

She then fired off letters to parents of students who had participated in the discussions, claiming that the remarks were “offensive” and some were “illegal.”

The education authority said that the Facebook site amounted to “cyberbullying.”

The drama began after a group of pupils set up a group on Facebook last week which attracted more than 200 members.

It was brought to the attention of Mrs Hitch who immediately suspended the pupils she considered to be the ringleaders.

The school also consulted with police who gave advice about how to get offensive comments removed from the website.

However, Mrs Hitch’s actions provoked uproar among students at Beaumont, which caters for 1 200 pupils aged 11 to 16.

One parent claimed his daughter had posted a “fairly innocuous” comment on the site – but he now feared she could be suspended.

“Mrs Hitch couldn’t just have taken a joke and handed this discreetly,” he said.

“This has blown up in her face in a rather unpleasant way. Everyone is talking about it and the children are furious.

“They’re annoyed at the fact that their freedom is being invaded out of school. I think it has got totally out of hand – she has handled this appallingly.”

He described the punishments as “heavy-handed” and claimed schoolchildren’s “privacy had been invaded.”

Mrs Hitch is currently on leave but both the school and her staff said the situation was far more serious.

Deputy head Martin Atkinson said: “This was an act of malicious communication online directed at the headteacher, which was dealt with in accordance with the school’s behaviour policy and in consultation with local police.”

In a statement, the school added: “Contrary to what has been reported elsewhere the messages were not simple jokes posted on a private site.

“Highly abusive and foul language was used and personally directed at the headteacher on a public site.”

Chairman of Governors, John Ingamells, said: “This sort of behaviour and language is completely unacceptable and cannot be tolerated in school.

“The headteacher has dealt with the issue in accordance with the School Behaviour Policy and would have done exactly the same if the target had been a pupil or any other member of staff.”

The school added that the headteacher had written to the families of pupils involved in this incident to express her serious concern at the sites pupils are accessing and contributing to on the Internet.

A spokesperson for education authority Hertfordshrie County Council said: “We strongly support the head’s actions. This is in effect cyberbullying and it’s an important concern to highlight.”

Angry students and pupils have used the page to lodge their protests at Mrs Hitch’s actions.

One anonymous user wrote: “A headteacher that displays such a lack of ability to laugh at themselves and who feels she has to stifle this type of freedom of expression with unpleasant letters should maybe expect more fun to be made of her than most.

“Nothing of what has been said in this group is illegal. It is neither malicious nor defamatory, but simple childish humour.”

An online petition has also been set up calling for suspended pupils to be reinstated.

On the school’s website, Mrs Hitch describes Beaumont as “caring and vibrant”.

“We pride ourselves on achieving both excellent examination results and in genuinely developing the whole person both within and beyond the statutory curriculum,” she writes.

“I count myself extremely privileged to lead such a wonderful school.”

Two robbers were arrested after the number of a cellphone they allegedly stole was spotted by its owner on the social networking site MXit, The Herald Online reported on Monday.

In the September house robbery in Jeffreys Bay in the Eastern Cape, Samantha Gallant’s three cellphones, a wallet and household items were taken.

No arrest was made until last week when Gallant’s sister, Kim-Jenna, told her there was a person on MXit using her old number.

Gallant said: “I then invited myself on that number and chatted to the girl, who said she was in matric. She found me boring so I asked my sister to pretend to be a man and charm her.”

The sister did so, posing as a 21-year-old student.

Later, the two arranged to meet at a local clothing store.

“The crime prevention unit was also there to confront the suspect, who said her boyfriend gave her the phone,” said Gallant.

Two men were later arrested for selling the stolen phone to her boyfriend.

Police also recovered the other phones and the wallet.

In an online review of a clone of the HTC Diamond 2 phone in China, the Shanzai blog argues that the fake could be better than the original. The Chinese site says that it’s a “great” copy of the new HTC Diamond2 even down to the HTC logo and that what’s more interesting is that the hardware configuration of the clone seems to have better specs than the HTC phone.

Further investigation by the reviewer does make him worry that the fake is also faking the hardware profile data – but even if HTC wins this time, it does suggest an interesting trend towards an electronics world with a level playing field.

San Francisco – Microsoft has a new weapon in its internet search duel with Google – full access to Twitter’s communications hotbed.

In a deal announced on Wednesday at a technology conference in San Francisco, Microsoft’s search engine, Bing, will become a new way to find out what people are saying in their Twitter messages – also known as “tweets”.

Access to the data is considered to be one of Twitter’s most prized assets.

Microsoft apparently outbid Google for the right to index and display the tweets almost as soon as they are posted.

A Microsoft executive declined to disclose the financial details of the partnership.

Assuming Microsoft is paying for the indexing rights, it would represent Twitter’s first significant revenue since it started in 2006.