Paris – Biologists on Wednesday reported the spectacular discovery of a species of giant lizard, a reptile as long as a full-grown man is tall, and endowed with a double penis.

The secretive but brightly-coloured beast, a monitor lizard, is a close cousin of the Komodo Dragon of Indonesia.

But unlike the fearsome Dragon, it is not a carnivore, nor does it feast on rotting meat. Instead, it is entirely peaceable and tucks into fruit.

Dubbed Varanus bitatawa, the lizard measures 2m in length, according to the account, published by Britain’s Royal Society.

It was found in a river valley on northern Luzon Island in the Philippines, surviving loss of habitat and hunting by local people who use it for food.

How many of the lizards have survived is unclear.

‘Unprecedented surprise

The species is almost certainly critically endangered, and might well have disappeared entirely without ever being catalogued had a large male specimen not been rescued alive from a hunter last June.

Finding such a distinctive species in a heavily populated, highly deforested location “comes as an unprecedented surprise”, note the authors, writing in the journal Biology Letters.

The only finds of comparable importance in recent decades are the Kipunji monkey, which inhabits a tiny range of forest in Tanzania, and the Saola, a forest-dwelling bovine found only in Vietnam and Laos.

Varanus bitatawa has unique markings and an unusual sexual anatomy, according to the study.

Its scaly body and legs are a blue-black mottled with pale yellow-green dots, while its tail is marked in alternating segments of black and green.

Double endowment

Males have a double penis, called hemipenes, also found in some snakes and other lizards.

The two penises are often used in alternation, and sometimes contain spines or hooks that serve to anchor the male within the female during intercourse.

V. bitatawa has a relative in southern Luzon, V. olivaceus, but the species are separated by three river valleys and a gap of 150km and may never have met up.

One reason that the new lizard has gone undetected, the researchers speculate, is that it never leaves the forests of its native Sierra Madre mountains to traverse open spaces.

The discovery “adds to the recognition of the Philippines as a global conservation hotspot and a regional superpower of biodiversity”, the authors conclude.

The giant lizard should become a “flagship species” for conservation efforts aimed at preserving the remaining forests of northern Luzon, which are rapidly disappearing under the pressure of expanding human population and deforestation.

Marijuana brings out the best and worst of everyone. At times, you could encounter the pothead that is always a joy to be around that will get the whole group laughing, or you could end up smoking with the guy who doesn’t shut up and thinks he’s hilarious just because everyone else is high enough to wear Orion’s Belt.

There are many types of people in this world and the sweet mary jane brings out nearly every feeling in all of us and it put’s us into five categories of what kind of potheads we are. So, spark it up, turn some Cypress Hill on, and break out the Funions, it’s the five types of pothead’s.

1. The Aristotle

Otherwise known as the philosophical one, this is a very common type of pothead. They will ramble on about the meaning of life, the afterlife, and how Mitch Hedberg is the funniest comedian to ever live. There is not one logical thought to their reasoning and theories, but since you’re probably high as all hell, you’ll believe every single word they’ll say and post it on your facebook where it will be met with not quite the reception you were hoping for. Don’t smoke outside with this person either, get them under a night sky and it will never end.

Ever think how those stars…ya know got there?

2. The Meditator

While many potheads will talk your ears off, there will always be at least one or two that meditate. At least that it will seem like when the person does absolutely nothing but either vibe/tell everyone else to vibe/space out and freak everyone out. The meditator could cause the average pothead to trip even more balls when they see their smoking buddy staring at static on the tv for the past 10 minutes when in reality the meditator is fine and is a complete douche for making his tripping buddies to freak out.

I love this channel

3. The Paranoid One

Easily the most popular and most common on this list, the paranoid one will experience freak-out’s at any given moment whenever a phone rings, a noise is heard, or a pair of headlights pop up behind them. There is no consoling the paranoid one until the weed is gone and the high wears off and even then it’s still a stretch that this person will relax and not convince everyone else that the Russians are closing in and it’s going to be Red Dawn all over again. This is not the person to bring around the meditator for it will ruin each stoner’s high and cause some un-needed friction between the group of weedhead’s. Even though the paranoid one can be a buzzkill, if you know how to mess with them the right way, then it’s going to be a lot of fun for everyone(except the paranoid one).

People might start looking like this

4. The one hitter quitter

Otherwise known as the rookie. There is a reason why they are known as the one hitter quitter and it’s because after one hit, they are down for the count like Mike Tyson himself was just waiting in the joint to give this guy the knockout punch on the first hit.

It’s a plus for everyone else since they will be able to pick up the slack from the rookie’s weak lung’s, but his fellow pothead’s will need to help him out and give him breathing lessons, so thing’s like this don’t happen again. You don’t want to be the one hitter quitter and end up as the butt of every single stoner’s joke for the night and many night’s in the future. It’s kind of like premature ejaculation, but not as hot.

5. The Crafty Veteran

Make this person your best friend and fast. The crafty veteran, or the cheech, knows every dealer in a 100 mile radius, can roll up blunts in less than a minute, and make a bong out of your face. The veteran has been doing it for so long that he is able to go every pass without breathing out. They only smoke the finest(kush, haze, death, love boat) and will broaden your horizon on the weed landscape. Not to mention, they probably have no cares about smoking in their house or car since it’s smelled like weed for the past decade. The only problem is that they could get too cocky and let everyone else know that they will never be on there level when it comes to smoking.

Chances are they don’t look like this

Marijuana is truly a gift from big guns upstairs and when used correctly will always be there to put you through the good times, the bad times, and the I just want to smoke a joint times. Happy smoking!

It’s a fond farewell to Gavin and Gigi as they head over to Ireland to make their fortunes.  I am sure going to miss having someone to talk to in the park while I walk my hounds, and having a doctor on hand is always a good thing.

Hope everything runs smoothly, that you get to travel as much as you want and that you come home with oodles of cash!

Adios my friends

Well the Lizard is back from an awesome weeks skiing in France. Pretty big shock to the system to go from -8 when we left the slopes to 38 degrees when we landed in Cape Town. Not sure what I enjoy more….

A great time was had by all as the 4 of us (me, Mrs CL, Kid and Lucie) ripped up the slopes till we could rip no more. Very few accidents apart from Lucie tanning her nose and the odd mishap here and there, but we all managed to make it through the trip without a serious injury.

So it’s back to work which sucks, but it is nice to be home to see the hounds who dont appear to have missed us at all.

CL

Yip the Couch Lizard is moving from his preferred hot and balmy weather, to a much colder climate in Europe. Yip we are off skiing with Kid and Lucie for a week in Morzine,France. Should be a blast!

As such the blog wont be updated until the 9th march!

Check out where we are going here:

http://www.morzine-avoriaz.com/

Catch you on the flip side.

CL

I must apologise foe the lack of updates to the site. My laptop is buggered and had to go into the shop. Needless to say it had all the stuff on it that I need to run the site.

So bear with me and we should be up and running in a week or so

CL

Couch Lizard on the derailed Cane Train

The fabled “Cane Train” running in Constantia on New Years eve was derailed by some green foliage on the lines. The only passenger at the time was the Couch Lizard who sustained a serious injury to his head and body.

This led to the CL missing out on bringing in the New Year in the style he is accustomed to.

When asked for a comment the CL placed the blame squarely on the H Bomb (shot of cane in a Hunters) that Luke Dogwalker served up to him just before the derailing. It could also have been the large bat that was found half smoked at the scene.

Couch Lizards tip for 2010 – don’t mix the herb and the cane. It’s not a winning combination!

Couch Lizard New Years Party

The Couch Lizard would like to wish all his readers, friends and family a great New Years and a prosperous 2010.

I will be spending the night with Mrs D, Luke Dogwalker (ex dogwalker I should say) and his Doctor, Spew and Keel and 6 others. 2 bottles of cane and 8 litres of creme soda ready and waiting.

Gotta run, I hear the cane train approaching and I havent even showered yet!

Enjoy and don’t drive drunk! I have been throuigh 2 roadblocks already today and its only 6pm!

CL

Hope you all had a sweet Christmas. The Couch Lizard was spoiled by Mrs D and got loads of gifts!

Including this very sweetPURPLE 16gig ipod Nano

Couch Lizard and his new ipod Nano

Other gifts included E Squared by Matt Beaumont, SuperFreakonomics (a great read), book vouchers (can you tell I am an avid reader yet?), clothes, lighters…the list goes on

All in all a very successful day as we lunched with Whits and Shar and their family and managed to avoid driving so it was wine all round!

Headed to the beach today with the hounds to make the most of the sun! Great morning out and the afternoon has been spent watching our useless cricket side and playing some online poker!

Have a good new years everyone!

CL