Archive for October, 2009

If You Have Testicles, Cover Them Up

October 31st, 2009

All ballsacks need to leave the room now. Whatever was left of mine is already on the corner trying to flag a cab down. You’ve been warned.

Anthony Clark was strolling down a street in Langley, BC, minding his own business, when some lady kicked him in his tea bags for absolutely no reason. The bitch busted him so hard in the crotch that one his testicles shot up into his abdomen like a sledge hammer carnival game.

Anthony tells The Calgary Herald that he didn’t know how bad it was until that night when he realized one of his sperm sacks was missing in action. When Anthony went to see his doctor, he was told to mourn the loss of his testicle, because it ruptured. They had to yank it out and will replace it with a prosthetic one in a couple of months. Fortunately, Anthony can still have chirruns if he wants to.

When Anthony went to file a report with the police about the incident, he was told that the same fuckery happened to several other dudes. They are now on the search for The Testicle Terrorist of Langley who is described as a Caucasian lady in her 20s.

Okay, there are plenty times throughout the day that I just want to run outside and karate kick a random dude in the dick, but DAMN! It’s called self-control…and massive amounts of weed. Lick a nut, don’t kick one!

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Ten Currie Cup final facts

October 31st, 2009

Jacques-Louis Potgieter (Gallo)

Pretoria – The Currie Cup final for 2009 will be played at Loftus between the Blue Bulls and Cheetahs. Here are some interesting facts on SA’s domestic jewel.

1. This will be the 49th Absa Currie Cup final since the advent of finals in this tournament in 1939. The Blue Bulls have played in 30 finals before now, with the Free State Cheetahs set to make their 13th appearance in an Currie Cup Final. The Pretoria team have won 22 (including four shared) out of those finals, with the Free Staters winning four out of 12 (including one shared).

2. The Blue Bulls and the Free State Cheetahs have competed against each other in eight Currie Cup finals, the most recent being in 2006. The Bulls have been victorious in six finals (1973, 1975, 1977, 1978, 1981 and 2004) while the Free Staters have won one final (2005). Both sides shared the trophy following a 28-28 draw in 2006.

3. Eighteen Blue Bulls players (out of their 22-man match day squad) have previous Currie Cup final experience while nine Free State Cheetahs players in their match-day-22, have been involved in an Currie Cup final before this weekend. It is also the same 18 Blue Bulls players selected for Saturday’s Currie Cup final that were part of the success of the Bulls during their 61-17 victory over the Chiefs in this year’s Super 14 final.

4. The Blue Bulls squad for the final, boast a total of 17 Currie Cup winner medals, while the Cheetahs have a total of 13 winner medals in their match-day-22. Adriaan Strauss is the only player from both squads that has achieved a winner’s medal with both teams ( Blue Bulls – 2006, and Cheetahs – 2007).

5. This final will be Bryan Habana (lue Bulls) and Jacques-Louis Potgieter’s (Free State Cheetahs) last match for their respective teams. Habana is set to continue his rugby with Western Province next year while Potgieter will rejoin the Bulls next season.

6. Potgieter is the leading points-scorer (163) in the 2009 Absa Currie Cup competition. The flyhalf converted 29 tries while scoring three, and also kicked 26 penalties and four drop goals. He is also the seventh Cheetahs players to end the season as the top points-scorer in the last ten seasons. Willem de Waal (2004, 2005, 2006, 2007) and Kennedy Tsimba (2003 and 2002) were the other players to achieve this feat.

7. The Cheetahs have scored the most tries (62) in the 2009 Currie Cup and have also added the most points by any team (485) this season. The Loftus side are second with 475 points. Gerhard van den Heever of the Blue Bulls, who is second on the list of leading try-scorers this season, has been selected on the bench for Saturday’s final.

8. Theuns Stofberg is the only player to have won the Currie Cup with three different Provinces. He won titles with Free State (1976), Northern Transvaal (1979 and 1980) and Western Province (1982 and 1983). Former Springbok wing James Small is the only other player to have played in three Absa Currie Cup Finals for three different provinces – Transvaal, Natal and WP – but he never won a title with Transvaal.

9. No player has ever scored more than two tries in an Absa Currie Cup final. Buddy Swartz was the first to score a brace in a final – in 1970 for Griquas against Northern Transvaal. Edrich Krantz scored two Northern Transvaal against Western Province in 1980. Andre Venter added two for Free State in the 1994 final against Transvaal, Thinus Delport for the Lions against the Sharks in 1999, Breyton Paulse for the WP in their 2000 final victory over the Sharks and the late Ettienne Botha did it twice – in the 2003 final against the Sharks and in 2004 in the Absa Currie Cup final against the Free State Cheetahs.

10. Jonathan Kaplan will referee the 2009 Currie Cup final, his fifth appointment to officiate in South Africa’s Premier Domestic competition. This will also be his third final between the Blue Bulls and the Cheetahs. Andre Watson, who has refereed in two IRB Rugby World Cup Finals, has refereed in seven Currie Cup Finals followed by Steve Strydom (six) and Freek Burger (five).

Personally I would love to see the Bulls give the Cheetahs a good hiding, and send Habana off to the Stormers with a bang (it will be the last trophy he wins in domestic rugby – you heard it here first). Who would have thought a player of his calibre would be lured to WP by a huge salary package. I guess you have to look after yourself first!

-Ed

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Saturday Headlines

October 31st, 2009

Hoarding is genetic – study

People who have a compulsive urge to collect and clutter their homes with junk can partly attribute their problem to genes, according to a British study.[Read More]

Leigh Matthews’s killer in bid for early release

Leigh Matthews’s parents are determined their daughter’s killer should rot in jail.[Read More]

Transport ‘key to 2010 success’

Transport is the key component for the success of the 2010 Soccer World Cup, Transport Minister Sbu Ndebele says.[Read More]

Lotters’ court bid dismissed

Nicolette and Hardus Lotter, accused of killing their parents, may not use the deceased couple’s money to pay their defence team, the court has ruled.[Read More]

SABC: No free TV yet

The SABC says the payment of television licences remains in force, for now, as a new bill seeking to abolish TV licences was published for comment.[Read More]

Tom Hanks loves Single Ladies

Tom Hanks has revealed that his favourite song of the years is Beyoncé’s track, Single Ladies, even though he can’t remember the words.[Read More]

Slumdog stars battle Boyle

Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle is embroiled in a tussle with a child-star’s family over an apartment in India’s western city of Mumbai.[Read More]

Internet addresses set for change

The internet regulator approves plans to allow non-Latin-script web addresses, in a move set to transform the online world.[Read More]

Fallout 3 crowned ‘game of year’

Fallout 3 scoops ultimate game of the year at the Golden Joysticks, with Call of Duty also taking home a trio of awards.[Read More]

Judge Grants Nicole Richie Temporary Restraining Orders Against Paparazzi

Nicole Richie has been granted temporary restraining orders against two paparazzi who she claims ran into her car, causing an accident earlier this month.

Nicole was granted a restraining order in Los Angeles Superior Court on Friday.[Read More]

Troubled Matthew Broderick Play Pushes Back Its Opening

Look for “The Starry Messenger” to arrive off-Broadway later than originally planned.

The new play starring Matthew Broderick has pushed back its opening by a week after a problem-plagued first preview that included its star needing a prompter in the front row to assist him with his lines.[Read More]

Brad Paisley Says No To Nudity

Brad Paisley may have posted a photo of himself stark naked from his diaper days on Twitter recently, but baring it all as an adult is something the country hunk will never do.

During an interview on Broadway’s Electric Barnyard radio show recently, when asked if he would ever do Playgirl like Keith Urban, Brad say he has been asked, but declined.[Read More]

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Heidi Klum is all kinds of nude

October 31st, 2009

It’s Friday, so I honestly can’t think of better way to start the day than Heidi Klum all kinds of naked and covered in chocolate sauce. Here she is in photographer Rankin’s just-released coffee table book Heidilicious which is probably the most moving reading experience I’ve had since that time a stripper punched me in the face for reading The Da Vinci Code during a laptop dance. How was I supposed to put that thing down with all the suspense and Jesus wifery?

Pics link to NSFW versions.

Scope Out (20) Pics of Heidi After the Jump

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In the bath with the Couch Lizard – Episode 1

October 30th, 2009

To purchase your copy of this excellent book, click HERE

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Mary-Louise Parker Is A Naughty Naked Housewife

October 30th, 2009

Love Weeds so thought this would go down well -Ed

Here’s Mary-Louise Parker looking like a smoking hot naughty housewife in the new issue of Esquire magazine. Now I don’t watch Weeds, and I wasn’t planning on watching it, but these photos of a half naked Mary-Louise Parker just changed my mind. Yes, I’m that easy, especially when it comes to hotties. Ok, now that that’s out of the way… mmmmm, pie!

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Explosions and boobs!

October 29th, 2009

Save valuable time watching Hollywood blockbusters; simply reload (F5) the page to see more pics of breasts and things blowing up.http://www.explosionsandboobs.com/

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Friday Fluff – Irina Shaykhlislamova in lingerie

October 29th, 2009

The label is still sticking with their favorite model, Irina Shaykhlislamova, who looks beautiful in these photos yet again.

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Interview with Jeremy Piven

October 29th, 2009

We all know and love Ari Gould in Entourage so it is great to see Jeremy Piven in a different role as he is an amazing actor! I am sure he will be excellent in The Goods! Enjoy the interview below….

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Funky Friday Headlines

October 29th, 2009

Dina appeal denied

BABY murderer Dina Rodrigues’s bid to have her life sentence reduced was dismissed by two Cape High Court judges today. [Read More]

Judge rebukes Selebi’s lawyer over hostility claims

JACKIE Selebi has accused the judge trying him for corruption of being rude and hostile and of “bending over backwards” to help his prosecutors. [Read More]

Soweto derby high jinks

Die-hard Orlando Pirates and Kaizer Chiefs fans are holding thumbs ahead of the Soweto Derby at Orlando Stadium. [Read More]

Video directed by Heath Ledger goes online

Ledger made the film for his friend Londonborn rap act No Fixed Abode. [Read More]

Jessica Simpson in Bollywood

US celebrity has won millions of fans in India while filming her reality show. [Read More]

Carla Bruni attacked as new Marie Antoinette of France by magazine

Carla Bruni has been condemned as the new Marie Antoinette of France by the country’s leading society magazine. [Read More]

‘Impossible’ Device Could Propel Flying Cars, Stealth Missiles

To critics it’s junk science. But the designer of the “impossible” electromagnetic drive says the technology might just transform spaceflight — and warfare.[Read More]

Drugs An Easier Topic for Parents Than Math or Science: Survey

There’s a point in every family when it’s time for the talk. No, not that talk — the science and math talk. The kind of talk that should happen every time your child is having trouble with or even just working on their homework. But according to a recent survey, parents fear these topic so much they’d rather have the drug talk.[Read More]

New Nintendo Is Bigger, Browner, Pen-ier

Nintendo launches a bigger version of its DSi handheld called the DSi LL. The 4.2-inch screen device will be available for $220.[Read More]

In-Car Wi-Fi Puts ‘Infobahn’ on the Autobahn

Want to see how in-car internet might work? Look at Japan, where they’ve had it since 1997.[Read More]

Humans, Shmumans: What Mars Needs Is an Armada of Robots and Blimps

The best way to study the surface of Mars is with a slew of small, cheap ground rovers guided by a fleet of airships that communicate with orbiters, according to researchers at Cal Tech. [Read More]

OnStar Goes to China

Fourteen years after first appearing in a car, OnStar is going abroad with a push into China that could bring vehicle telematics to millions of new subscribers and millions of dollars to General Motors. [Read More]

Appeals Court Says Swearing in Text Messages Isn’t a Crime

A 16-year-old California boy dumped by his high school girlfriend didn’t violate a state obscenity law by using four-letter words in anguished text messages to his ex, an appellate court ruled this week.[Read More]

Photo Gallery: Sony Gadget Teardown Porn

Collaborating with iFixit, we challenged Wired.com readers to rip apart their Sony gadgets and post photos of the innards for a chance to win prizes. Here are photos of the winners’ teardowns, along with many honorable mentions.[Read More]

Eliza Dushku Gets Leggy For Venice

Here’s Eliza Dushku looking like her usual hot little self in the November issue of Venice magazine. Yes, I know that the photos are a little disappointing when compared to her last ultra sexy Complex magazine photoshoot (see here), but hey, they can’t all be shwingfests. Having said that, Eliza … [Read More]

Megan Fox Definitely Knows How To Use Her Body

According to UK’s Skymag, Megan Fox has been quoted as saying that she totally uses her uber hotness to get some much-deserved attention and to get ahead in Hollywood. Here’s the skinny:

MEGAN Fox isn’t ashamed to admit she uses her body to boost her career. The Transformers star, 23, insists … [Read More]